It Happens in Threes

Some of this is inspired by recent events.

- It is not news when Lance Bass announces he's gay. I couldn't be more sure of that had he just offered to give me a hummer. It is not news when anyone announces they are gay, unless it's Bush or Cheney. Then, it's news, because the Apocalypse is around the corner.

- When a 70 year old person causes a car accident, they are as much as responsible than a 17-year-old who causes a car accident. Yet, I don't see anyone wanted to require graduation requirements for senior citizens.

- Shaky camera moves don't give a movie or TV show more of an edge or real life feel. It just irritates me. While we're on the subject of movies, I could live another 80 years and never hear Gilligan's Island be discussed in a movie again, it would be too soon. While we're talking about TV and movies, a dumb TV show begats a dumb big-screen movie.

- If you're old enough to legally drive a car and you still can't wait for the next Harry Potter movie, then you're stuck in a period of arrested development. You need help, before your parents kick you out of the house.

- Angelina Jolie might be a homewrecker, but so is Brad Pitt. I don't care if Jennifer Anniston is Nurse Ratched behind close doors. They were married and he committed adultery. Enough said.
- When an actor doesn't make a movie for a few years, (Tom Cruise, Demi Moore, Jane Fonda), it's not a big deal. When someone applies and interviews for work, but can't find anything for several years, it's a big deal.

- Quit expecting too much out of M. Night Shyhalaman's movie. The Village was a great movie, so what if the monsters were fake. It's a movie. It's make believe. How come no one mentions Wide Awake, when they talk about his movies. Mean Streets sucked big green donkey dicks, but Scorsese was able to rebound.

- Of course, Andrea Yates is insane. But not guilty? I don't think so.

- If you make more than $30,000 a year and you're in debt, it's your own damned fault. The best way to avoid debts, is to not live outside of your means. They comes a time when Wal-Mart becomes your friend. It's when you get your first job that doesn't pay well. People who make $50,000 a year and have bounced back from debt have nothing to tell me about money management.

- Old people rapping is not funny, never has been. Maybe it was funny at one time back in 1985 for about ten minutes. Since then, it's not been funny. It will never be funny. Old people hate rap music rather than embrace it.

- If it's Christian rock, it's not Christian music. It's got to be one or the other. Which is it?

- Any thing that is sold related to Christ for a profit is sacrilegious. If we're going to criticize Scientology as a cash cow, then we got to look at all the million of copies of the Left Behind books sold. Or how about the hundreds of millions which were made off The Passion of the Christ? Remember when Jesus through the money panlers out of the temple.

- Everyone has the right to visit America. Everyone has the right to live in America. But if you're going to work and expect John Q. Taxpayer to help you out, get a green card or become an American. When you want to have a different flag around and talk about your rights, then you're stepped over the line.

- There is no reason to re-enact Civil War battles every year. It's not about heritage, it's about a nation not even a century old not getting along and nearly destroying itself.

- Elvis Presley, Tupac Shakur, Ken Lay, and Adolf Hitler are all fucking dead. Dying was the best thing to happen to Shakur's career. Before that, he was a mediocre singer and a terrible actor. Now, he's the fucking John Lennon of rap music.

- "One Nation, under God," implies America a nation founded on religious freedom is a Christian Country. It isn't. We've had three very religious Presidents in power for the past thirty years and you know what, things haven't been working out well. Remember when everyone went nuts over JFK being a Catholic.

- If I lived to be 100 yrs old and never year "God Bless America" sung ever again, it will be too soon. This is one of the most pompous songs ever written. How about "God Bless the Earth?"

- If Aaron Neville was the worst singer to have sung the national anthem, then everyone else must have been living in a cave on Mars all their life, with their fingers in their ears. I've heard so many people sing this song out of key so much, I really think we might want to look into another song for the new millenium.

- If an embryo is the start of life, then our birth dates really don't mean shit then. I guess that's what it meant by "...an itch in your daddy's pants." Now, I guess we should have itchdays, instead of birthdays.

- The next time you're behind me in Wal-Mart or Ralph's or whatever, please wait an extra five seconds for me to put my cash back in my wallet before you throw your vagiklean on the counter. Quit being in so much of a fucking hurry. However, if you're going to stand there and double check your receipt with every last jelly bean you bought, then please go somewhere else. Oh, the white trash that shops at Wal-Mart must walk in single file down the aisle when there is more than two of them, instead of the massive 7 person plus configuration you have with the old fat grandma in the motorized cart and the 13 year old girl holding a baby, which might be hers and it might not. Whatever, she's pregnant nontheless and got two visible tattoos on her shoulders. And the whole congregation is doing that slow death walk as if there the cart is a casket. Please for the love of God, move. Oh, isn't it ironic that most of the people who crowd the deoderent/soap/shampoo aisles always look they really need it. Maybe that's why they always stand there, looking confused as if they're Star Jones standing in front of the buffet table wondering what to eat first.

- A 50 year old man will never change his views on Jews, woman, or whatever. If you're driving drunk and over the age of 21, then let me introduce you to the world's smallest violin playing, "My heart breaks for you."

- Alcoholism is not a disease. Cancer is a disease. Alcoholism is avoidable, cancer is not. It's too much. If we're going to call alcoholism a disease, then obesity is a disease, nymphomania is a disease and drug addiction is a disease. Alcoholism is what happens when you people get sick and tired of your shit and call you on it.

- Clog dancing belongs at the county fair and on Hee Haw. It doesn't belong on TV being passed off as the next biggest thing.

- Auto racing is people driving 120 mph in a circle. It is not a sport.

- Speaking of sports, women can play sports. When they play professionally, it's a big deal. When they play bad professionally, it's not a big deal.